Comments Welcome

3 Jul

So here’s a comment I received from the latest BG Romance Report post Relationship Ramblings. The author is my friend — the DC native divorced and dating, 40s.

She writes:

I still stand by my comments, and I see how it segues into the ‘No cutty, no commitment’ campaign. (Which I didn’t even know about). On the same token though, I can totally relate to the person who commented regarding the campaign, and people doing ‘you’ and doing what they want to do.

As she stated, it really is none of my business when/who/where/how you give it up. But I really like your comparison to workers going on strike. It’s really fitting. Going on strike is all about banning together to demand a certain treatment. The workers have something the employer wants, and the employer needs workers. But the employer doesn’t need *those* workers. He’ll take any. So the more ‘scabs’ that cross, then who cares about the people trying to get better treatment? I don’t know if that’s the total thought process behind the campaign, but that’s exactly where I was coming from. And this ties into your statement (I’m paraphrasing) about why men’s behavior is laid at the feet of women? Why do we have to sway them, or we must act a certain way to elicit proper behavior from them? I agree with you. We shouldn’t have to. And we don’t have to. There are men who want to behave as we expect, who want a commitment, and will treat you as you should be treated….and most of them are 45 or over, with kids. And pot bellies. Ok, I’m exaggerating. Not all, but a lot. I just don’t see a lot of 30 something men pressing for marriage and family. Most of them are still ‘doing them’.

So I ask, are the “do-right” single men all 45+ with pot bellies and offspring?  I often wonder if less attractive or appealing men feel the need to overcompensate for their under-appreciated physical aesthetic by morphing into the perfect guy. Would this “do-right” non-head-turner do right if he was a head-turner?  To put it plainly, are less attractive men nice because they have to be? I’d like to think not. My ex had a pot-belly but he sure knew how to treat me which is why I stuck around for so long. I should hope to think he’d behave the same way prior to acquiring said pot belly. But who can know?  I used to firmly believe that less attractive men are nice because they had no alternative. I’ve recently wavered on the idea.  But I do agree with the sentiment that there’s a lack of male marriage-minded 30-year-olds (let me qualify that: that you would actually want to marry).

And I also wanted to share  my pastor’s suggestions for single women as it pertains to sexual relations. He said the following (here’s the complete message):  “For men the cookie is the prize. He will either:  1) keep trying to woo you until you cave; 2) leave you and find an easy lay;  or 3)  marry you.”

These concepts definitely hold true to a degree but again, a female’s sexual gratification is being held hostage by man’s inability to commit. Is it my job to reign my companion’s commitment in and thereby extension of his penis? I understand but I just don’t agree, or rather I don’t believe this applies to all men.  Some men are commitment-minded if they’re getting the “cookie” or not. Yes I would even agree that dude might commit sooner if he’s not getting the “cookie.” I hear it “work”s in the Jewish culture. I do feel that sex complicates getting to know a person and that strong friendship should be the basis for any romantic relationship. It just irritates me that it’s always left to women to hold men accountable. Why? Why didn’t he teach men to value commitment and sex? He could have said, “I’d like to urge all the men in the congregation not to be man-whores.” Or, “You can’t turn a hoe into a husband.” But nah, none of that. That would be such a breath of fresh air to hear on a Sunday morning.



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