Tish’s Last Stand

9 May

I have been receiving a lot of flack lately because my current phone isn’t so current i.e., it’s a mediocre smartphone that only uses Wi-Fi. I’ve been criticized by family members, coworkers, friends, and not so friends. Just the other day my mom said that I was “out of the loop” in a disparaging tone.  And she subsequently sent me a picture text of a dress in Target forgetting the fact that my phone doesn’t receive picture texts.

“I forgot you can’t receive picture texts.”  

Well you need to remember momma, cause it’s been like a year already…

And yes, my 65 year-old mother has an iPhone so she is totally “in the loop.” When I told a coworker that he couldn’t send me a picture text he said in a drastically confused tone, “Whose phone doesn’t get text pictures?”

Mine homie.  

He’s constantly trying to propel me into the 21st century.

Another coworker has told me repeatedly that I needed to update my phone. Why — when I can just use someone else’s? I do this regularly to the annoyance of family and friends.  But I think it’s annoying in a cute sorta way, right?

I used to have an iPhone but I gave it up because of the monthly data charge. I wanted to save the cash and if I’m paying for the internet at home why should I pay to walk around with it all day long?  And I also like the idea of being inaccessible — color me aloof. I’m weird that way I suppose…  I remember my mom and sister had cell phones long before I did. I was resistant because I didn’t think anyone really needed to contact me whenever they wanted to. No one needs all-access Tish.  I mean the nerve right?  But I caved to pressure from my parents because they didn’t think it was safe for a young woman to travel cell-phone-free.

Insert penis envy here.

I recently did inquire about the cost of a data plan with AT&T. The sales rep recommended that I pay $30 per month for 3GB of data. I immediately thought to myself — you’ve got to be shitting me, right? Remember the days they didn’t ration out your data? Bloodsuckers…

And now AT&T doesn’t even offer unlimited data. Check it out.


But today may have, sadly, been my last stand against the tyranny of constant inter-connectivity and the oppressive bonds of the telecommunication conglomerate.

I usually meet weekly with a group of ladies from my church group on Wednesdays and I feverishly left work on time and rushed home to complete my homework. I fought traffic in the rain, made sure to eat some food as I read the assigned material only to find out at 6:40 that group was cancelled. Our group meets at 7:00.

Again, you’ve got to be shitting me right?  I just happened to check my email on my phone (yes, I can do that cause I’m in my house) and I see all this correspondence from my group members. Some girl said the meteorologists were calling for severe thunderstorms. (Totally didn’t rain BTW).

And before I knew it (pun intended), group was cancelled.  I didn’t know until the last minute because a) I couldn’t check my email at work because I work in a bloody cave and b) my phone doesn’t receive group texts (nope, don’t get those either). So there may or may not have been a text explaining that group was cancelled. I’ll never know. I just get a blank box. 🙂 

Color me aloof and annoyed now. I suppose it’s time to make a change.

So I was researching smartphones for the last 3o minutes or so and I stumbled upon this ad. It made me chuckle, just as all of the exchanges I’ve had with folk about my cell phone situation. I think they’re both truly funny.

So what type of phone should I get?


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