These brain systems — lust, romantic, and attachment — don’t always go to together.

7 Mar

I’ve been doing the online dating thing for a couple of months now, using the free sites — OkCupid and Plenty of Fish. I have met two guys in person so far — both experiences were okay. Yep, just okay. Side rant: Don’t you hate it when people imply that “okay” isn’t an adequate response to the question of how you’re doing? It grinds my gears. But I digress.

I’m not particularly attracted to either of these guys. They’re not hideously unattractive per se — just not really my cup of chai tea. One dude openly admitted to cheating on three of his girlfriends and to covering for his married friends when they are unfaithful to their wives. According to him, of his eight married friends — five are unfaithful. Sigh. Not encouraging news, but I’m not really surprised. Why do we get into these restrictive relationships if we’re not going to be monogamous? Now I am in no way saying that being faithful to the same person year after year is easy. I’ve never been married. My longest relationship lasted about five years. But when you pledge your life to another, you must consider and attempt to comprehend the gravity of your decision. Cake walk; it is not.

I was emailing one man in Richmond; the one who looked good on paper (43, single, child-free, accomplished, attractive, spiritual). He abruptly ended our communication last week. I’m not sure why. Perhaps it was because I admitted to using profanity. Who knows? At this point, your guess is as good as mine.  My last email to him included some details of my online dating experiences thus far (per his request) and some notes of encouragement because he was disheartened with dating and his inability to meet any quality women. And that’s all she wrote (literally). Ha! He did seem a bit dry and perhaps a tad too specific for my taste. Whenever I tried to crack jokes, he didn’t acknowledge them or play along. Who doesn’t like engaging banter? And I also I felt like I was being interviewed.

1. Where do you see yourself in the next few years?

2. What are your goals?

3. How tall are you?

4. What do you like to wear?

5. Can you send me some more of your pictures? (Even though I already have four posted on my profile).

What the hell man? (There goes my affinity for profanity). Lighten up.

And then you have the guys who reach out with little to no interpersonal skills. They’re conversations consist of one-word responses with absolutely no line of inquiry. Apparently these lames don’t understand that a conversation is an exchange. I’m starting to end those before they really get started. I’m learning.

There are also the dudes who reach out once never to be heard from again. And the point of that would be? Phantom-fucking-menace.

And I can’t forget the men who aren’t seeking any form of commitment whatsoever. They’re the casual dating/no commitment crowd which is cool. Live and let live, I say. But why are your reaching out to me when my profile clearly reads “actively seeking a relationship”? Are you daft?

I tell ya, let the good times roll. This modern love….

Happy Weekend!

ps The title of this post was is a quote from Helen Fisher’s TED Talk — Why We Love, Why We Cheat.


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