Wedding of One

26 Jan

solo weddingYasmin Eleby decided to “marry” herself at the beginning of this year in a ceremony at the Museum of African American Culture in Houston, Texas. Eleby vowed that if she wasn’t married by age 40, she’d “marry” herself. Technically one cannot legally marry oneself but she went through the motions; it was a spiritual ceremony nothing legally binding. Reactions were mixed from the online community. Of course, there was a lot of hate unleashed. Commenters referred to Eleby as “desperate” and “thirsty.”  But then there were some words of support and encouragement. One commenter wrote, “I think it’s a beautiful thing to marry yourself.  I have always said if you want something done, do it yourself.”

Here are a few comments from NoWayGirl.com.

Comments from NoWayGirl.com

Comments from NoWayGirl.com

 

Um, but why she gotta be gay though? And so what if she is? Smh. Foolishness infuriates me.

I say — “Do you boo!” If Eleby can afford it, why the hell not? And I salute her for not marrying a lame, less than candidate like so many other men and women who succumb to pressure to pick a partner or spouse.

In her book It’s not You: 27 (Wrong Reasons You’re Single), Sara Eckel breaks down the idea of an actual desperate woman. Here’s an excerpt.

…but for now let’s take another look at that awful word “desperate.” As Stephanie Coontz points out, the fact that we throw this label on women who have refrained from marrying is absurd. “It’s understandable that many women are anxious about the prospect of finding a good husband,” Coontz wrote in Marriage, a History. “But few modern women are actually desperate to marry. Historically, desperate is agreeing to marry a much older man whom you find physically repulsive. Desperate is closing your eyes to prostitutes and mistresses and praying you don’t get a venereal disease. Desperate is having child after child because your husband won’t let you use birth control or covering the bruises you got last night when you hurry to the market to shop for the evening meal. Women today may be anxious about finding a mate, but most could not even imagine being that desperate.”

You didn’t rush back to that mediocre relationship. You didn’t grit your teeth and enter some passionless union with a perfectly nice guy who doesn’t get you. There are people who are afraid to be alone, who head for the nearest warm body after each breakup, or who stay in miserable relationships because the alternative is so terrifying. But that’s not you, is it?

Nor is it Yasmin Eleby. I salute you my spouse-free sister!

 

Yasmin Eleby

Yasmin Eleby

 

 

ps 

Eleby isn’t the only woman to marry herself. A woman in Taiwan married herself in 2010. And 31-year-old Grace Gelder married solo last year.

 

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