Child-Free ≠ Selfish

12 Jan

Happy New Year Visitors!  I haven’t been here since December 2016.

shrug 2

Well I have been occupied.

I landed a new job in February of last year.  It was an improvement. Hooray for three-day telework!  Then I reconvened prepping my former condo for sell. Yes I said former because I sold that bitch and moved in with my sister for two months until I purchased my desired home (a ranch-style house with a porch, wood-burning fireplace, and garage) in my coveted zip code.  I moved in the middle of November and my mom had me hosting Christmas dinner.


There was also the large family dinner for my dad’s folks and a three-day family reunion for my mom’s side; both were coordinated with the help of my sister. So yeah 2017 was packed. And I’m motherfucking tired (and thankful).

So now that you’re all caught up, let’s dig into what a coworker told me this week. Picture it:  four 30-something black women in the conference room chatting. Three of us are spouse-free. Two of us are child-free. The topic of parenting surfaces for some reason that escapes me now. Long story short, one of my coworkers shares that she thinks child-free women regret not having kids when they reach their 60s.

confused 2

Now my personal procreation train is leaving the station. I’ll be 40 this June. And I’m not one of those motherhood or bust types willing to have a child on my own. If you are, cheers sis!  Sending you nothing but good vibes. Perhaps if I lived in another country where more of a support-system existed for single parenting. But alas I live in the U.S. where “despite working more hours than their peers in other high-income countries, single mothers in the US have higher poverty rates.”

I just don’t want to intentionally do it alone. I’m willing to forego it if the stars and moon don’t align and I don’t have 50 Cent’s thereby becoming a millionaire. And I’m ok with that (for right now). Who knows how I’ll feel in my 60s or a few years from now for that matter?

But to assert that all child-free women will regret their status later in life is myopic and misguided not to mention harmful. Not all women desire motherhood and marriage. And who is say that homegirl won’t regret having her now one-year-old son when she’s pushing 60? Only time will tell.

When I explained that I enjoy waking up when I want to and doing what I want when I want to do it, I was called selfish. And this isn’t the first time I was labeled selfish. My cousin’s soon to be ex-husband said the same thing to my sister and I years ago as he present-day walks away from his wife and two young kids. (Misery loves company.)

But let’s define selfish shall we?


I regard others – all the damn time if I do say so myself! (Toot, too, beep, beep.)

Motherhood isn’t the litmus test for altruism and sacrifice. Furthermore, men aren’t labeled selfish for not procreating. Women are expected and pressured to make babies and that’s


Why must I be subjected to such nonsense at the place of my employment? Damn these mortgage payments.

And while we’re on the topic of motherhood, congrats to Serena Williams! She and baby are beautiful.


Shout out to my baby daddy. 50 isn’t my favorite but I love this song. Pay me to procreate!



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