Tag Archives: men

Conversations with Coworkers Cont’d

20 Dec

So me and the office folks were at it again.

The topic – relationships.

The catalyst – not really sure.

Like Andre Benjamin, my memory sucks. My sister just reminded me of this today.

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I think it all began with my boss (Mark) telling me that he planned on ending his relationship with the woman he’s been dating the last year. Termination date —  December 26th. Why the day after Christmas? Because he can’t do it on Christmas and her birthday. Yes, this unsuspecting woman shares her birthday with Jesus of Nazareth. Home girl, just can’t win.  Can she?

I think Mark wants to start off 2017 with a clean slate. Who can blame him? New year, new you and all of that. I’m coloring my hair. Plus Mark’s girlfriend is making plans for New Year’s Eve, so lets abort this failed mission of romantic mediocrity shall we. I can dig it.

So a discussion of the termination of Mark’s romantic entanglement mushrooms into a generic discussion on local dating between three 30-ish singles (myself, Mark, and another woman (Stephanie)).

Mark states that good company and conversation are hard to find.

Agreed.

Stephanie shares that some of the men she’s dated have complained that she’s so self-sufficient that she doesn’t need them.  Hmmm. Define need.  Men have told me that I’m intimidating.

Again.

shrug

Mark mentions that one of his single friends decided to end things with a woman he was dating because she didn’t keep a neat home. Now by untidy I mean some shirts were scattered about the floor.  I’m not referring to a roach-infested, unsanitary, basket-of-deplorable dump. Now both parties are employed well. The messy woman is a lawyer and apparently Mark’s friend has a really good job, code for he makes bank.

But where does Mark’s friend reside?

At home with his momma.

 

throwing-shirts

 

 

crazy

31 Jan

crazy

I freely admit that I find it hard to relate to many men in my age bracket. (I’m 35). It’s difficult to connect and share ideas and common interests. Something as simple as having a stimulating conversation poses a great challenge at times. And I often go around saying that men are crazy; a gross generalization yes but I don’t mean that they’re all insane. I’m sure there are some level-headed ones in the group. I even know a couple.

That being said, I do refer to males as crazy on a regular basis. It’s my go-to response when I hear stories of men and their asinine antics in the romantic realm. But I think it’s time for me to flesh out what crazy actually means for me.

Case in point a recent exchange with a 45 year-old male on this dating site I’m on. Now 45 is my age limit for a romantic interest and if he’s a youthful 45 I could totally be persuaded. I just tend to prefer men closer to my age. This particular 45 year-old neglected to include a picture on his profile. Red flag, yes I know. But again, I’m trying this trying thing.

Here’s his initial message to me:

I enjoyed your profile. You have lovely pictures, I am sure you hear that often. Sorry I don’t have mine posted, but all of my recent pics are with my kids, and I don’t think it’s fair to post one that is 6 years old. Anyway, after reviewing your profile I came away with one unmistakable conclusion. I like you. That simple. [Can someone say dramatic? Another red flag in retrospect.] I want to get to know you so can you leave me a way to send a pic (my kids will be in it) and we can go from there.

So I take the bait and send him my email address. He sends me a couple of pics. I am not impressed and respond with, “Thanks but I’m looking for someone closer to my age. Good luck with your search!” I considered my response to be truthful without being callous. Dude wasn’t a youthful 45. And I thought it would be rude for me to completely ignore the guy.

His response?

“Then why reply at all?”

Now was that called for? I ignored his response. But honestly, I responded to his initial message because I wanted to and it was my choice. Why are you questioning what I choose to do? There’s no need to get all sensitive. Could this be why you’re divorced? I’m sorry if I (a youthful 35, I get mistaken for a 20 something frequently) doesn’t want to entertain the company of an unattractive 45 year-old who looks more like he’s 55. And I’m not trying to imply that age makes you unattractive but rather that I desire someone who takes pride in their appearance and who makes a conscious effort to be healthy and fit. And of course good genes doesn’t don’t hurt matters. 🙂 It really irks me when significantly older men who haven’t particularly aged well approach me for some sort of romantic entanglement.  Just why? Not all women are swayed by the money in your wallet. Perhaps you can spend that cash on some lipo?  But I digress.

Back to crazy.  I consider crazy to be one or more of the following:

  • Emotionally inept
  • Morally/spiritually bankrupt
  • Socially incompetent
  • Intellectually stagnant
  • Physically challenged
  • Financially deficient

What’s your version of crazy?

_________________________

p.s.

I just got a text from the guy I was supposed to meet up with on Tuesday night. He never texted or called to finalize “our plans.” Today he says, “Hello how are you doing tonight?”

That shit cray!   #yeezy

The End of Men

3 Dec

the-end-of-men-by-hanna-rosin-300

I just started reading Hanna Rosin’s The End of Men and the Rise of Women. I love the feminine book jacket clad in bright yellow and hot pink. Way cute!  And she blew my mind with the initial sentences of the first paragraph. According to Rosin senior editor at The Atlantic,

In 2009, in a beach town in Virginia where my family had been vacationing for several years, I noticed something curious. Every time I ventured away from the houses rented by the vacationers–to the supermarket, say, or the ice cream store–I almost never saw any men.

Boo-ya!  Get out of my head Rosin.

That’s exactly how I feel every time I leave my frigging house. Okay yes I’m exaggerating a little when I say every time but just a smidge. Whenever I go out to a social hour or to the club (which is yes rare) I feel like it’s always a hen party.  Am I wrong? I need to  take the advice of a friend and hit up a sports bar on NFL game day. Sadly I have yet to make the effort to feign an interest in sports in hopes of meeting an interesting man.

In the second chapter, “Hearts of Steel: Single Girls Master the Hook-Up” Rosin successfully tackles the topic women my age incessantly debate, securing a long-term commitment from a man and perhaps his subsequent baby.  And these issues aren’t just on the minds of all the single ladies. My happily married, male friend recently poised this question, “Will marriage be obsolete in 80yrs? Are morals really in play on why less folks are bunned up? It’s not a situation where everyone goes by the adage, ‘I can do bad by myself’?”

Check out what Rosin has to say:

the end of man 1the end of men 2the end of man 3the end of man 4

And there you have it. And highlighted in yellow is where I think a lot of us are, making our own way.

And regarding the low cost of sex, does this mean that my church pastors were right? That women should withhold sex for a long-term commitment? It appears so.  Is “the cookie” the ultimate prize?  I don’t think the no-sex policy rings true for all men. Of course, there are some men who will marry after sex enters the equation.  But the real question is how much of a motivator is sex when trying to secure a long-term commitment from a man.  Devout religious couples who practice abstinence marry so early because their hormones are raging out of control.  Undoubtedly, practicing abstinence brings a sense of urgency to the relationship. But abstinence is not for all. I have yet to date a man, Christian or otherwise, who was pro team-celibacy. There are some men and women who won’t even consider dating a person if sex is not an option. It just the depends on the individual and the relationship.

In the fourth chapter, “The New American Matriarchy: The Middle Class Gets a Sex Change,” Rosin focuses on how what’s currently occurring in  black culture may play-out down the line for whites when it comes to marriage (a point Ralph Richard Banks already noted in his book). Rosin writes:

The whole country’s future could look much as the present does for many lower-class African-Americans: The mothers pull themselves up, but the men don’t follow. First-generation college-educated white women may join their black counterparts in a new kind of middle class, where marriage is increasingly rare.

Not very encouraging stuff huh?  But what’s a girl to do?

I’ll let you know how that sports bar turns out. Go Ravens!

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